I am a Disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God

Exactly two months ago today I returned home and ended my service as a full-time missionary.

I have been meaning to write a final, concluding, post-mission reflection blog entry ever since my first week home. It’s taken me a while, but I have finally made myself sit down and do it.

About a month ago I began by posting the rest of my weekly emails from my mission, to preserve them both for myself and for anyone else who might be curious to know what I’ve been doing the past 18 months. That was tough. There was something very final about it. I was putting up pictures which no longer represented my reality, but rather my past. My mission was officially over.

Over the past 2 months I have slowly come to terms with this. It hasn’t been easy. The first couple weeks I was secretly miserable. I pretended the transition was going well. Actually, looking back now, I think it did go well, but it was also really hard.

There were small things that were easy to shrug off or laugh about. For instance, during my first week home, every time I would go somewhere in the car with my parents, I would instinctively walk behind the car as if to back them out of the driveway or parking spot (something missionaries always have to do.) My parents thought I was crazy. Or how I almost introduced myself to my new boss as Sister Daelemans. I caught myself just in time.

There were thing that I thought would be difficult, that ended up not being that big of a deal, like being by myself instead of with a companion 24/7, or watching movies and listening to music. I was actually grateful that there was no adjustment needed for watching movies guilt free. I love movies!

But some things were hard. Time was hard. There seemed to be an endless number of hours in the day with nothing I could do to fill them. And stuff. You don’t realize how much stuff you own until you live for 18 months in apartments that have no furniture other than your bed and a desk, with only about 2 suitcases full of personal items and clothes. Every item in my house now seemed so excessive. These things took longer to adjust to than others.

One, day, in the midst of my pretending to be fine with my new life, I had a bit of a breakdown while standing in front of the fridge in my kitchen. Suddenly I just lost it and started pulling everything out. I took out all the shelves and draws, and deep cleaned the whole thing. When I’m stressed, I clean. Which is a good thing I guess? But it was in reaction to my need to feel like I was accomplishing something. I needed to feel like I was being productive.

So yes, coming home was very hard. After the fridge incident I think I realized that I just needed to accept that I wasn’t going to be fine all of a sudden. I had made a big change in my life. Just like it took time to adjust to being a missionary, it was going to take time to adjust to being a regular human. So I allowed myself to mourn, so to speak. I let myself be sad, I let myself be ok with crying about it. And that really helped a lot.

Like I said, I have come to terms with my mission being over. My home life is very different, but there are many wonderful things to be happy about! I think my biggest mistake after coming home was thinking that my life was now meaningless. Obviously it’s not meaningless! Am I as busy now as I was as a missionary? No. Do I spend every hour of every day thinking about God and my fellow man? Uh….no. But do I have productive things to do with my time? Yes! I’ve slowly started getting back into the swing of things and have found many meaningful activities to do with my time. Is it a sin if I occasionally veg on the couch with nothing to do other than watch TV and snack on tortilla chips? NO! Rest is completely normal and healthy, and after 18 months of dedicated, constant on-the-go service, it feels really great to do nothing sometimes.

Over the past two months I have done many meaningful things. Like going on walks with my mom. Playing ukulele with my sister. Cutting my brother’s hair whilst discussing the ridiculousness of man buns. Arguing with my dad about sushi. Teaching my grandma how to play Uno. Spending time with my family has been great!

I’ve also had some incredible missionary experiences as I’ve served in my YSA ward as a ward missionary. The greatest of these experiences started a couple of weeks ago when the elders asked if I could drive their investigator Liz to church. I am so grateful they did. I made a wonderful friend, and today Liz got baptized and confirmed a member of the church! It was such a sweet experience. The work still moves forward, and I am still a part of it. Just in a new way.

Going on a mission was the absolute best decision I have ever made. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and it was the most joyful thing I have ever done. I hate to sound so cliché, but that really is the truth.

I’ve heard some people say that a mission is like the MTC for the rest of your life, and I agree. I have learned so many valuable lessons about the Gospel of Jesus Christ, about people, about hard work and sacrifice, about agency, about charity and service. Missions, and life, are hard, but that’s part of God plan. He needed me as a missionary to stretch, and grow, and become something more than I was before.  This is an important principle to understand because life is inevitable going to continue being hard. While I’m on earth God needs me to stretch, and grow, and become something more than I am right now. And the most miraculous part of this is that he doesn’t ask me to change by myself. It is actually impossible (believe me, I’ve tried.) Instead, he has given me, and everyone, his son Jesus Christ, who overcame the world, and death, and is able to make us infinitely more than we could be on our own. He has the power to help us become like him. Of all the things I learned on my mission, the most important and the sweetest is that Jesus Christ truly lives and his Atonement is real. There is no greater gift that Heavenly Father could have given me.

At every mission meeting we had, all of the missionaries stood and recited 3 Nephi 5:13:

“Behold, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I have been called of him to declare his word among his people, that they might have everlasting life.”

I may no longer be a full time missionary, but I am still a disciple of Jesus Christ. I am so imperfect, and constantly fall short, but that is ok. I try and I keep going even when I mess up. Repentance is real! That’s what the Gospel is all about.

Who knows where my life will go from here. Heavenly Father knows, and I trust him. All I can do is continue to “…press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men…” (2 Nephi 31:20) If I do, God will make sure that I am on the right path and that I find peace and joy along the way.

Much love,

Natalie

Goodbye California

This week has been amazing. We were able to teach so many people and I got to say goodbye to everyone. Tomorrow I will be getting on a plane and leaving the great state of California. I cannot quite express my feelings. I thought, a couple months ago, that I would be ready at this point, that I would be burnt out and tired and ready to go home and sleep. But I'm not. I feel like I could keep going. I don't want to leave. And it doesn't really feel like I'm leaving. I don't think it will really hit me that this is real until I am standing in the airport.

This past week represents the last week in the life of Jesus Christ. Every day this week I read from the New Testament, about everything the Savior did during his final days on earth. His entry into Jerusalem on a donkey. His final teachings to the people at the temple. His last supper with the disciples. His passing of the Sacrament. His sufferings in the Garden of Gethsemane. His trial. His crucifixion. His resurrection on the third day. On Friday I had the opportunity to go to the LA temple with all of the other missionaries who are going home. While I sat in the Celestial room, I read about his trial before Pilate, his scourging, and the final hours he spent hanging on the cross. I cannot help but be incredibly grateful for everything that Christ went through for me, and I am amazed at the character he showed as he freely forgave those whose hands hung him there to suffer. I am daily humbled by this because although I was not there, and although I did not personally hang him on the cross, his suffering there was for me and all of my sins, weaknesses, and shortcomings. As a missionary, I have tried my best to represent him. To love people the way that he does. To serve. To gather his sheep. But I am so imperfect. I make mistakes. I let fear get in the way of faith. But he still trusts me, and all of us, to go out and do his work. He suffered for my mistakes so that I wouldn't have to. In return, he asks us to repent and to follow Him. I cannot put into words how amazed I am at all that Jesus Christ has done for me. But I can say that he lives! He was raised from the dead on the third day. He conquered death and sin. For me, and for everyone!

The Gospel is true and Christ lives!

Goodbye for now California. Hello Maryland!

Much Love,

Sister Daelemans

The Slurpee Scripture

There were some tears this week. Mostly because we have this twisted tradition where we make missionaries who are leaving get up and bear their testimony in front of other missionaries even though we know the only thing they will manage to do is cry and choke out some incoherent words about how sad they are to leave and how the Gospel is TRUE and how Jesus loves everyone and how they CANNOT BELIEVE THEY'RE LEAVING. Yep, that happened. To me. It was good.

We had stake conference this week and the visiting general authority shared his favorite scripture. The Slurpee scripture! "If Alma wanted to get a slurpee, where would he go? 7-11! (*cough* and 12)"

Alma 7:11-12

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and affliction and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities."

To me, everything in the Gospel comes back to this. Jesus Christ literally has experience everything we have felt, and he did it because he loves us, and so that he can help us. He did it so that we can live again. No blessing can compare to everything that the Savior of the world has done for us!

Much love,

Sister Daelemans

Real Life is Stressful

So, last week was the first week of my mission that I didn't send a weekly email. I was seriously stressin' last Monday. The person who usually sits with us in the family history center was out of town, so he asked this other lady to do it and she MADE US LEAVE EARLY!! So we went to the public library to finish, but it was CLOSED for Ceasar Chavez day. Why is that a holiday?? So then we went to Staples to use the computers there, but then the lady as the store told us we probably shouldn't use it for personal stuff because the computers there aren't secure so if we logged into anything, stuff could get hacked. Soooo....we gave up at that point.

But here are some pictures from last week!

  

We had zone conference 2 weeks ago, and my mission president and I were talking, and he says to me "Sister Daelemans, how would your parents feel about me requesting a 6 month extension to your mission?" (Don't worry Dad, he was kidding. That's not even possible.) But seriously I wish that could be because home and school now seems so much more stressful than mission life ever is. I am currently trying to figure out classes for the fall, but it is TERRIBLY FRUSTRATING!! We also have been really busy in our area recently, which is so great! :) We had 5 of our investigators watch General Conference this past weekend and it was SO AMAZING! (I had so many of my personal questions answered as well. If you missed it, go watch it at lds.org!!) So yeah. Moral of the story is I like my missionary bubble that I live in right now and I don't want to leave, because real life is so much harder, but alas, life moves on and I will be home in 2 weeks :(

Well, that's it for this week!

Sister Daelemans

No More Tacos Please

If you ever feed the missionaries, don't feed them tacos. Just don't do it. And don't feed them spaghetti either.

I really feel like I am in a time warp, where every week is being reduced to the time of about 3 days.

Not much for this week, here are some pictures:

Our St. Patrick's Day garb!

Have a great week!

Sister Daelemans

The Earth is Flat

We were helping this guy clean out his garage, and he pulled out an old telescope and asked me to put it together. (You would be so proud of me Dad!) Why did he want the telescope? To look through it and prove that the moon is fake. Yes. He said it's fake, and also the earth is flat and gravity doesn't exist. Yep. His name was Merlin. But at least knowing that the world is flat has helped him believe that God is real....yep.

I could tell you more stories, but the longer I'm here the less motivation I have to write emails. But, it was a good week and we talked to lots of people and lots of them were weird but all of them were children of God. It's ok, I'm pretty weird sometimes too.

Have a great week!

Sister Daelemans

Here are some random pictures:

Moving Day

This week has been crazy busy. We found out on Friday that we are moving....today. SO we only had a couple days to completely pack up and clean our apartment. I feel like a chicken running around with its head cut off.

The good news is that Sister Evans and I are both staying in Lancaster!! This means that I will be ending my mission in the same ward that I started! Not many people get to say that, so I feel very blessed.

We have seen some great progress with our investigators over the past couple of weeks. We keep having new people come to church, which is honestly such a miracle. Coming to church is literally the hardest thing to get people to do!

A couple weeks ago was Melissa's baptism. Since then her older brother and his fiance have started going to church (in a different ward, but still, that's amazing!) AND her dad came to church yesterday and we were able to teach him the first missionary lesson last night! What an amazing example she and her mom have been to the rest of their family. Slowly their hearts have been softened as they've seen the difference the gospel has made in the lives of Sister Smith and Melissa! I love them so much and I am so excited to see the progress their family is making!

Love you all! Have a marvelous week!

Sister Daelemans